However, I am feeling pretty good emotionally (she said, tentatively, looking over her shoulder for any dropping shoes or the like) and I am inclined to think that the new antidepressants may be starting to work.
You know, before my mid-adolescence, I was a very cheerful person. I wasn't really the least bit troubled by abstracts like mortality and meaning, etc. And during a few periods of my adult life, I've been able to reach a similar state of mind. I've come to think of that as my real nature, and of the morose, fatalistic self as the diseased one. So I feel that when the antidepressants are working right, they aren't so much changing me as preventing the depression from changing me.
Or… or maybe I have some sort of multiple personality thing going on, and when I take the meds, I'm really repressing the "depressed me," and sort of causing her to cease to exist…
Aaaaaaaah! I really need to stop thinking out loud as I type.
Um. As I said. Cautiously optimistic.