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I am neurochemistry's bitch.

Just when I'm having a pretty good day, and getting a handle on what my professional and personal priorities really are, my eyes suddenly start to fill up for no reason, and I feel listless and life feels futile.

I am also Mary Fucking Sunshine. Sorry guys. I've got an appointment with a cognitive behavioral therapist next week, so I can straighten out my messed up head some. So you can't say that I whine without doing anything to try and fix it, at least.

There are actually lots of things that I'm grateful for. I can even actively feel the ways in which some of those things alleviate some of the psychological distress. So that's probably an indication that I'm not in a clinical depressive state.

For example, I think it's really lovely that there is such a thing as "feedback poetry".

Pursuant to that, here is an example of some slash fiction that doesn't suck: Here and Here (the second being a sequel to the first.) These brief pieces (very tame, and entirely SFW) are by the incomparable troyswann, who also wrote me glorious SGA femslash for my birthday (which is probably somewhat less SFW). She could write circles around the people who actually get paid to write these shows, IMO.

I think E and I are going to make the effort to come out of our little protective shell and be sociable this weekend. We'll probably be at both Freaks United and Kabi's 4th party. So perhaps we will see some of you.


Jun. 30th, 2005 08:08 pm (UTC)
not a stupid question at all
pardon me for jumping in, here...

cognitive therapy can teach you ways to cope when you're feeling bad, as well as help correct behaviors that may lead to feeling bad or worse. sometimes w/ neurochemistry it's a chicken-or-egg situation: did the fucked-up chemistry make you depressed, or did being depressed alter your chemistry? in the long run what matters is both fixing it and preventing its recurrence, and usually what works best is a combination of medication and one or more of the various types of therapy available. observing and altering your behavior and thoughts is a good way to do that -- it can help you to be aware of negative thought patterns and resultant actions (or reactions), and change them accordingly.
Jun. 30th, 2005 08:21 pm (UTC)
Re: not a stupid question at all
Ah, I thought it was either one or the other.

So this is like (extremely simplistic version) if you're sad or mad a lot, then your nerons get used to going down those paths (or your chemical processors get used to making those chemicals) then that is the most likely response because it's expected/easier and the "widest road" so to speak?
Jun. 30th, 2005 08:27 pm (UTC)
Re: not a stupid question at all
from what i understand, that's exactly it. regardless of the actual cause of your depression, if it sticks around long enough it can become a learned behavior just like any other. (i'm fuzzy on the biology, so i don't know if that's the same thing or not. i may be restating what you just said. >:) and if you've been depressed and/or anxious all your life, whether it's a chemical imbalance or not, you have to learn how not to be depressed. it's not easy, i'm here to tell ya. you get used to thinking in the negative, and that just perpetuates the cycle.
Jun. 30th, 2005 09:31 pm (UTC)
Re: not a stupid question at all
Interestingly, recent studies have proved that cognitive behavioral therapy actually CHANGES your BRAIN CHEMISTRY. Kinda cool, kinda creepy. Also, recent studies suggest that, for the first six months of treatment, antidepressants are a bit more successful than CBT. After that, the success of CBT climbs while the success of antidepressants plummet.

I went to CBT because antidepressants made me even more suicidal. It was only two sessions, and I haven't cut myself (or had a serious depressive episode) since. Not everyone has this kind of success, but it worked for me.



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