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Universe Failing to Cut me a Break

So, my father called me yesterday to let me know that a distant relative (through my step-mother, whom I did not know well) was just killed in a car wreck. Christ. While I am not in deep mourning, my Dad's house is thrown into chaos and sorrow. My step-brother's wife is inconsolable, and unlikely to recover from the loss any time soon.

I know I'm breaking my own rule about not whinging on my LJ. Sorry about that. I'll try to make it brief.

It just seems like I can't get a day of restful silence to myself. Or even a couple of hours. There's joyous things like new babies, and horrible things like cat illness. Old friends passing away... There have been lots of neutral but important things, like the Democratic Convention and a couple of family friends running for congress who are expecting me to give assistance with various things. There's the fact that I haven't been able to give a moment's thought to getting certified in months. And, oh yeah... did you know my job actually expects me to put in at least 8 hours a day to earn my pay?

The house is a wreck. Some of our grass is knee high, because our electric mower won't hold a charge long enough to cut even a quarter of our yard. Even if Mallory comes home in one piece, there will be months of nursing care we will have to do for him. For fuck sake.

Attempting to list the stressors raises my blood pressure, because it brings me closer to the stress. I realize this is probably a good thing, like moving toward a catharsis, or lancing an infection.

But I'd really rather get drunk and read slash. Instead of thinking, and worrying. And feeling completely inadequate to all the challenges.

It feels like, over two years ago Eric and I started planning the wedding, and since then I haven't gotten a full night's sleep. It's just too much.

I failed to keep that brief, didn't I?


( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 7th, 2004 10:50 am (UTC)
Hey, I added you. It's Ridgely. Don't worry about whinging. This is so your space to vent.
Aug. 8th, 2004 09:22 pm (UTC)
Hi, Ridgely. Thanks. I'll add you back.
Aug. 7th, 2004 12:49 pm (UTC)
Hey, at least you can't be accused of slacking off. You have accomplished, and continue to accomplish, a great deal. Yeah, it's stress, but it's not POINTLESS stress. You are getting things you want and deserve (great husband, career options, knowlege, house) for your trouble.

The Chinese term Kung Fu (功夫) doesn't just refer to martial arts. Its meaning, roughly, is "that which is achieved through effort". Your kung-fu is mighty, little wolf...
Aug. 7th, 2004 01:00 pm (UTC)
You complain so very seldom that I certainly think you can be forgiven. I, for one, am glad to hear what's going on in your life...though I wish you were less stressed, and that I were closer, so that I could help.

But I'd really rather get drunk and read slash.

*cough* Reading it sober wastes less time with recovery.

Aug. 8th, 2004 09:25 pm (UTC)
Wish you were closer, too. Or that I was closer to you. I frequently hope that we'll be closer some day.

*cough* Reading it sober wastes less time with recovery.

Maybe. But I can't seem to read it sober. Perhaps I'll never know.
Aug. 7th, 2004 01:31 pm (UTC)
Doesn't sound like whinging. You've gone through an awful lot lately, good and bad. And the fact is, you're moving forward, even if it may not be at the pace you would like right now.

(We have been in our place almost exactly one year now...and we still have boxes!)
Aug. 7th, 2004 03:11 pm (UTC)
What they all said!!
Aug. 7th, 2004 03:57 pm (UTC)

Spit out the poison, lest it kill you. Bad things are events worth writing about too and putting them in print is a good step towards putting them behind you. Go ahead and post it, how else are we supposed to know you need a hug?
Aug. 8th, 2004 09:26 pm (UTC)
Love. Hug.
Aug. 7th, 2004 04:30 pm (UTC)
Good girl! Good good girl!
Aug. 7th, 2004 07:50 pm (UTC)
I have friends who make it a point to post three good things every day, because it reminds them that life is not all suck. Do you think that would be more helpful? If talking about the stress makes you feel worse, that's another thing that can be done.

Um, old friends dying? Anyone I know?
Aug. 9th, 2004 08:14 am (UTC)
Um, in case I have failed to answer your question (long week... forgive me) the friend I'm referring to is Bobbi Dresser. Don't know if you knew her. Todd, Tom and Steve's Mom.
Aug. 7th, 2004 09:47 pm (UTC)
You rawk, and are massively hot.

Life will work itself out. I command it.

Aug. 8th, 2004 11:45 am (UTC)
*hug* there's a few of us who seem to be in this kind of non-stop cycle of growth & upheaval. it's necessary and wearying, but we'll all get through it. the universe doesn't send us more than we can handle -- it may send EXACTLY AS MUCH as we can handle, but not more. i promise. *more hugs*
Aug. 8th, 2004 07:47 pm (UTC)
Good luck with locating time - Drew and I are looking for our own - it IS going around.

Love from us both
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )