Fenriss (fenriss) wrote,

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Some awkward Herstory ahead...

So, this weekend I am attending the wedding of a good friend from a different time in my life. That wouldn't normally be terribly stressful, expect for the matter of this friend's sister, who has flow back to the States for the wedding.

As it happens, I used to sort of date the sister back around the early 90's. In the intervening years, she went off to Israel for a brief tour, and ended up deciding to be Orthodox Jew while she was there. I've heard people call this Jerusalem Syndrome; a young American or European, with a somewhat weak sense of identity to begin with, goes to "The Holy Land" and is instantly and utterly brainwashed. They go from rebellious youngster to pious zealot over night. Gone are my old friend's piercings and blue hair. And gone (presumably) is the tolerance she used to have for all lifestyle choices.

What is increasingly upsetting to me is the (admittedly remote) possibility that she'll tell me she has "forgiven me" for my involvement in the sinful, Sapphic behavior of her youth. I mean, even though she almost certainly won't say anything of the sort, isn't it almost guaranteed that that's what she's thinking? What greater rejection can one face from an ex-lover than when she has made life choices that lead her to believe that what passed between you was Evil and Contrary to the Word of the God she now worships?

So, it seems I'm more than a little upset about this. I thought I could just ignore it, but I realize I can't. I tried to sort of broach this subject with her brother (the one getting married) who I thought would be sympathetic as an avowed atheist, and a weirdo like myself. He just said "Well, if this is making her happy, I can't judge her." Sigh.

You see, I'm not interested in judging her. But I'm terribly troubled that, by the definition of an Orthodox Jew, my old friend is judging me
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