August 7th, 2004

ghost

Universe Failing to Cut me a Break

So, my father called me yesterday to let me know that a distant relative (through my step-mother, whom I did not know well) was just killed in a car wreck. Christ. While I am not in deep mourning, my Dad's house is thrown into chaos and sorrow. My step-brother's wife is inconsolable, and unlikely to recover from the loss any time soon.

I know I'm breaking my own rule about not whinging on my LJ. Sorry about that. I'll try to make it brief.

It just seems like I can't get a day of restful silence to myself. Or even a couple of hours. There's joyous things like new babies, and horrible things like cat illness. Old friends passing away... There have been lots of neutral but important things, like the Democratic Convention and a couple of family friends running for congress who are expecting me to give assistance with various things. There's the fact that I haven't been able to give a moment's thought to getting certified in months. And, oh yeah... did you know my job actually expects me to put in at least 8 hours a day to earn my pay?

The house is a wreck. Some of our grass is knee high, because our electric mower won't hold a charge long enough to cut even a quarter of our yard. Even if Mallory comes home in one piece, there will be months of nursing care we will have to do for him. For fuck sake.

Attempting to list the stressors raises my blood pressure, because it brings me closer to the stress. I realize this is probably a good thing, like moving toward a catharsis, or lancing an infection.

But I'd really rather get drunk and read slash. Instead of thinking, and worrying. And feeling completely inadequate to all the challenges.

It feels like, over two years ago Eric and I started planning the wedding, and since then I haven't gotten a full night's sleep. It's just too much.

I failed to keep that brief, didn't I?