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There's a Traitor Here Beneath My Breast

...and it hurts me more than you've ever guessed.

if my heart could beat, it would break my chest
but I can see you're un-impressed...

Annual Northern Migration, etc.

Normally, I announce our trip to Wisconsin here, but I forgot this year. I regret a lot the fact that LJ slips my mind so much these days. But consider this my annual announcement: we went to Wisconsin. We drove the 15 hours up and the 15 hours back.

In the middle, my Dad had a "cardiac event" of some kind. I am generally saying "heart attack" since that is the simplest explanation, but that's a layman's term anyway, and I do not think he had a myocardial infarction. Their best guess is that a virus got into his heart, driving his pulse up to 200 bpm. This is on the grounds that he and my step-mom have been passing a bug of some kind back and forth, and he seemed to have bronchitis. So that seems like a likely cause.

Anyway, he is fortunate enough to live within 3 minutes of one of the best cardiac hospitals in the country, full of world-renowned doctors and state-of-the-art equipment. I *do* realize how lucky we are. I even feel a little guilty about it. The fact is that without the fantastic care he got, he might not be with us now. For the record, he is right as rain at this point, and I have happily made a pact with him to work together on improving our respective health with dietary changes and exercise in the coming year. Yay.

After a crazy few weeks, I am happy to have some peace with my honey. We've spent more time than average curled up in bed with the cats. Also, I am perusing a lot of the Yultide fic for this year. Some of it is pretty good.

(Eric says that the fact that I look for opportunities to type my HTML out long hand *does* give me nerd cred, where I just think it means I'm old)

Oh! And we went into an "H Mart" up on Gallows Road this afternoon, and bought tons of ginger tea, and daikon, and Japanese beer, and the whole time we were there, they were playing fairly obscure 80s music (like Peter Gabriel's "Red Rain" for example) and then when we were checking out they played--and I kid you not-- ...Love and Rockets! And not "So Alive" either! They played "No New Tail to Tell." Come for the hard-to-find Asian vegetables, stay for the 80s alternative.

I am sure there was more I intended to say, but it escapes me now. What a luxury to have space to natter on about the things that you have forgotten to natter on about, innit? Facebook is all business, and no finesse. It makes me feel cheap.

So, yeah. Happy new year, all.
Now, bear with me here. I am certain I'm right!

Both are time travelers. Both are canonically bisexual. Both are gorgeous brunettes who are ridiculously attractive and dashing. Both work for super-secret, extra-governmental agencies. Both were so popular from their original appearances on established shows that they got spin-offs of their own. And finally, both have Gareth David Lloyd as their sidekick! Here is hoping that they don't kill him off this time just so that HG can have angst.

Kate Hepburn

From a 1986 interview in the WaPo Magazine

Calvin Klein: Your style, did it come from you? Or was it someone else that influenced you?

KH: No, no one influenced me. I think that I must have been very self-conscious about my appearance, that I wanted to present something that looked as though it had just come out of the woods or something, and everyone thought, ‘I’ve never seen anything like that before.’

I liked to look as if I didn’t give a damn. I think you should pretend you don’t care … but it’s the most outrageous pretense. I said to Garbo once, ‘I bet it takes us longer to look as if we hadn’t made any effort than it does someone else to come in beautifully dressed.’

CK: Were you influenced by any of the men you knew at that time?

KH: No! I never dressed up for any man. If I thought he cared how I looked, I would have thought he was a fool. I really would have.

The men dressed for me, you know. Nobody ever made a pass at me unless I fully expected them to and welcomed the notion.

CK: Good for you.

KH: I’m rather a forbidding character.

Pompatus of Love

OK, so as you may possibly know Steve Miller, when he wrote the ear-assaulting, insipid 1973 song "The Joker," invented the neologism "Pompatus":

"Some people call me the space cowboy.
Yeah! Some call me the gangster of love.
Some people call me Maurice,
'Cause I speak of the pompatus of love."

There were other songs in which he coined strange terms, and apparently there is a tradition within the rhythm and blues genre of inventing new words to work into lyrics. Which brings me to the marvelously creepy bit: a 1954 song called "The Letter" by the Medallions had the lines:

'Oh my darling, let me whisper
sweet words of pizmotality
and discuss the puppetutes of love.'

The song was composed by Vernon Green as a description of his dream woman. "Pizmotality described words of such secrecy that they could only be spoken to the one you loved", Green explained. He coined the term puppetutes "to mean a secret paper-doll fantasy figure who would be my everything and bear my children". (emphasis mine)

So to recap, a "puppetute" is apparently some kind of ideal paper doll woman capable of carrying on relationships, and also bearing children. Now if that is not some kind of Arthur Machen-inspired messed up shit right there, I don't know what.

Fat Hate

...I am sick to death of it. If you spew fat hate, I will not associate with you. That simple.

Goddammit, I hate being this angry. I really do.

Racism, Queerdom, Freakdom

I was delighted at first to find out that the newest winner of Ru Paul's Drag Race was a Freak.... like me. Sharon Needles looks like me (or at least like I did when I was her age). She wear black lipstick and freaky contacts and used to hang out in punk squats, and I was thrilled.

Then I read this

Well, fuck.

Racism, cisexism, and classism, all in one fell swoop. I am crushed.

I have always felt that if only all the disenfranchised groups could come together and stand as one, we could overcome the empowered and create a world we can all live in. I know that sounds naive. And I guess it is. Damn it.

Three Good Things

1. Looks like we can get an inexpensive ride-on mower so E doesn't have to push a mower around our lot, which is obscenely large for inside the beltway.

2. Solid A in my drawing class so far.

3. My doctor has me back on ADD meds, which is making my boring homework assignments a lot less arduous.

It was hard coming up with three today. Not a very good day, really.

Annual Migration Time!

Yep, it's that time... we are about to get in the car and leave for the far, frozen North. It's become a tradition to post this here, so I'll probably keep doing it long after every one of you has abandoned LJ :)

Hope those of you who are travelling do so safely, and that everyone can find some enjoyment in the season. Hugs all around!

Tally ho!
Because I need a stronger dose of Good Things than just three right now:

I am not in the position of being 40 and having to try to find a partner who would be compatible with me.
I am 40, and my parents are both still alive and well.
I have friends who insist that we join them for Christmas Eve, and I know that will be a joyful occasion.
I live in an age and place when anesthesia is available, and do not have to get dental procedures done that would leave me with something like PTSD.
Amazon Unbox offers me a nearly unlimited amount of Star Trek.
Winter Fire is coming in two months.
I get to be with my honey for a solid 11 days very soon.
For now, the bills and mortgage are taken care of (next month will take care of itself somehow).
I will probably get As in all of my classes this semester, or at worst a B in there somewhere.
I have a huge abundance of art supplies and crafting materials that I can gloat over like a dragon over treasure.
Despite my weight and my chronic illness, I am still mostly healthy according to recent blood work and such, so I know that I am able to get myself back into good shape if I apply myself.
As much as the stressors in my life sometimes make me actually, physically ill, the truth is that they are (almost all) what you’d call First World problems, and in fact things are not that bad for me.
I have a healthy, human heart that is full of compassion for all beings that do not have all of the wonderful things I have, and in fact, for all beings in general. I am grateful that I have no hate in my heart.

May all beings be happy
May all beings be healed and whole
May all have whatever they want and need
May all be protected from harm, and free from fear
May all beings enjoy inner peace and ease
May all be awakened, liberated and free
May there be peace in this world and throughout the entire universe.