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Gratitude

The hated month is vanquished, and now it's March. I love March. It's remarkable how much better I feel than a mere ten hours ago when it was still February. I was a spring baby, and you can have my Goth Card, because it is by far my favorite season of the year.

March is also a significant month for the H and me, and I am moved to tell a little tale about that. Scroll on by if you'd rather be spared the sentimentality.



It was about 18 years ago that I first met my husband at an IHOP in the wee hours after a showing of Rocky Horror. We didn't really move in the same circles much until the early 90's though, and a personal bond of friendship didn't really start to form until around '97 or '98. In March of '99, I left the girl I was casually dating to date him instead. (Incidentally, sorry, Dawn. I know it's rough to be dumped for a guy). We made a valiant effort to maintain some distance and treat it as a fling until sometime in April. We were driving up to see Steve and Donna in Baltimore when we agreed we'd be "a couple."

You hear people talk about how they grow to love their partners more and more as the years go by. Having had a lot of relationship disappointments in the past*, I never bought that notion before. But it's now been six years, and I swear I feel closer to Eric all the time. We don't engage in what you'd call "fighting" at all, because if we misunderstand or disagree, we just say so, and the moment passes, and in a matter of minutes we are at peace again.

We really do seem to develop a deeper understanding of each other as time passes. Our mutual enjoyment is aging beautifully.

I mention all of this, not to brag (well, not exclusively :) but because I remember how I felt about the notion of "Love" six years ago. Oh, how I loathed to even hear the word. It seemed like the cruelest kind of lie. I certainly would have liked someone to tell me a story like this then. Two people really can be committed to talking things through, and not hold onto any secret animosities or control fantasies. It's possible to be genuinely loving and to be absolutely on each other's side. It is possible to have an unconditional friend, partner and companion.

Lucky me!

*I hasten to point out that most of my exs are terrific folks whom I continue to cherish as friends.

Comments

( 22 comments — Leave a comment )
crossbonesdj
Mar. 1st, 2005 04:17 pm (UTC)
=)

It is possible to have an unconditional friend, partner and companion.

Yes, it is.
fenriss
Mar. 1st, 2005 05:12 pm (UTC)
Yay, you! You two make me happy.
minniethemoocha
Mar. 1st, 2005 04:48 pm (UTC)
It's remarkable to me how the two of you have grown and changed as individuals and as a couple in the time I've known you. Maybe it's more striking to me since I don't see you two that often, but whatever, it's there, and it works, and it's great.
fenriss
Mar. 1st, 2005 05:21 pm (UTC)
Thanks, my dear. I think the fact that people change is such an amazing blessing. You sometimes hear someone say "people don't change" and they always say it with anger and bitterness. And they're wrong.

You, too, babe. You have always r0x0red my s0x0rs, but moreso all the time :)
boadiccea
Mar. 1st, 2005 05:19 pm (UTC)
*sniffle*
Beautiful.

You guys are one of the best couples I know.

*hugs* to you both!

(And yay March!)
fenriss
Mar. 1st, 2005 05:25 pm (UTC)
Re: *sniffle*
Hee *blush*. Thanks, sweetie. We miss you guys.
boadiccea
Mar. 1st, 2005 06:07 pm (UTC)
Re: *sniffle*
We miss you, too! Must get together soon!
nixieq
Mar. 1st, 2005 06:12 pm (UTC)
i gotcher sappy riiiiight here...
as you know, i've got more reason than most to know what a fantastic guy you've got there (hee, let's see if we can make him blush!). but what i might not have ever told you is that one of the biggest things that helped me to get over him was how obviously deeply you guys cared for each other right from the start. one of the hardest and best lessons i learned as a person was how to see past the pain of my own loss and to see and appreciate the bond between you two, and to be happy for you both. *hugs* thanks for the lesson. i love you guys, you know!
fenriss
Mar. 1st, 2005 07:11 pm (UTC)
Re: i gotcher sappy riiiiight here...
Thank you, darlin'. This means a great deal coming from you. We hold the cross-stitch you gave us as one of our favorite possessions, you know.

Hugs and love to you, too.
_blackjack_
Mar. 2nd, 2005 02:07 am (UTC)
Re: i gotcher sappy riiiiight here...
Yeah, what she said, except the t'other way 'round. 'Cos, y'know, penis...
fenriss
Mar. 2nd, 2005 03:26 pm (UTC)
Re: i gotcher sappy riiiiight here...
:)
eac
Mar. 1st, 2005 08:36 pm (UTC)
My dear, it makes me incredibly happy that you are so happy, and I know exactly what you mean about the possibilities of partnership.*

*Which I would normally call marriage, but I can't because of the stupidity of laws in the US.

nixieq
Mar. 1st, 2005 08:38 pm (UTC)
*kicks all the closed-minded idiots responsible for that stupidity in the collective jimmy*
_blackjack_
Mar. 2nd, 2005 02:06 am (UTC)
Collective jimmy? What're you, some kind of Pinko?
fenriss
Mar. 1st, 2005 10:14 pm (UTC)
What an amazing coincidence! I am incredibly happy that you're happy, too :)

*smooch*
jgcr
Mar. 1st, 2005 09:34 pm (UTC)
yay! also, yay.
fenriss
Mar. 2nd, 2005 12:58 am (UTC)
*boing!* *hug* (please give half of that hug to the divine Ms. E for us)
jgcr
Mar. 2nd, 2005 05:22 am (UTC)
will do. will do.
mercurialgirl
Mar. 2nd, 2005 12:13 am (UTC)
Mooshy, but heartfelt comment:
We don't engage in what you'd call "fighting" at all, because if we misunderstand or disagree, we just say so, and the moment passes, and in a matter of minutes we are at peace again.
*+*+*+*+*
I still remember with amazing clarity the first time I heard you guys disagreeing about something, and I think my jaw was on the floor for a minute or two when I realized that "ohmighod, this is how they fight... but.. but.. they're actively demonstrating respect and a sincere desire for understanding and agreement... what the hell? How is this done?" I've learned much by observing the ways of your people.


It's possible to be genuinely loving and to be absolutely on each other's side. It is possible to have an unconditional friend, partner and companion.
*+*+*+*+*
I didn't believe it existed like it does with you guys in the really real world until I spent a lot of time seeing that yep, it did in fact exist, and seems to be as beautiful as everyone imagines it to be.


I'm glad that you two have one another. It's good to know that things can be phenomenally wonderful as well as real and enduring.
fenriss
Mar. 2nd, 2005 01:00 am (UTC)
Re: Mooshy, but heartfelt comment:
Wow. I am so honored by this comment that I'm speechless. Wait, lemme check...

Nope, speechless.

Except to say that I love you. E does, too.
faeriemage
Mar. 2nd, 2005 01:02 am (UTC)
happy happy for you two :) let the sappiness flow!
fenriss
Mar. 2nd, 2005 03:38 pm (UTC)
Hee :) Thanks!
( 22 comments — Leave a comment )